How
to Select an Investment Advisor
There
are 2,613,000 financial
salespeople in the United States -- in fact, it's the fifth
largest vocation (after truck drivers but before janitors --
no kidding). Strange to tell, not every one of them is outstanding.
This
simple quiz will help you decide who to have manage your investment
portfolio -- often before he gets to your front door.
Question
#1: Method of Transportation
[ ] Advisor 'A' pulls up to your curb in a top-of-the-line,
late-model Lexus, BMW, or Mercedes, a sign of his great personal
wealth that will soon be transferred to you.
[
] Advisor 'B' chugs up in a ten-year-old Volvo. It could
use a paint job. Better still, he arrives by bus.
Question
#2: Dress
[ ] Advisor 'A' wears a suit from a bespoke tailor on
Jermyn Street. The solid gold Rolex on his wrist has more gauges
than the space shuttle. He carries a briefcase made of the skin
of an endangered species.
[ ] Advisor 'B's suit is
did I say suit? No, he
wears a rumpled blue blazer that looks like he slept in it.
His khaki pants are frayed at the cuffs. His wife bought his
shirt over the phone from a catalog. No tie -- he doesn't own
one. His battered briefcase still bears the tooth marks where
his dog gnawed it.
Question
# 3: Demeanor
[ ] Coming up the walk, Advisor 'A' has the jaunty step
and cocksure attitude of an America's Cup captain. His haircut
and tan remind you of that guy who reads the local news at eleven.
As he shakes your hand with his powerful, manly grip (practiced
at his sales training seminar), you feel his brimming confidence
being transferred directly into you.
[ ] Advisor 'B' shuffles up the walk looking like a victim
of shell shock on his first outing from the rest home. His few
remaining hairs are pathetically combed over his bald pate.
His shoulders hunched, he avoids direct eye contact as he limply
shakes your hand.
Question
#4: Investment Sophistication
[
] Advisor 'A' is a man in charge of markets. Because
his business card bears the name of a famous Wall Street firm,
it follows that he must be a Wall Street insider wired into
the very highest sources. With his hand on the tiller, you will
make money no matter what happens. Furthermore, his PowerPoint
slide show demonstrates like a Euclideon theorem how your money
will compound 10% year after year. Soon you will be living on
the Rue de Facile (French: Easy Street).
[
] Advisor 'B's attitude is morose. All he talks about
are the risks, never the big returns you were hoping for. He
looks over your investment statements and just shakes his head
in dismay, like he's reading the obituary of his best friend.
SCORING:
Each
time you chose Advisor 'A', score 0 points.
Each time you chose Advisor 'B', score 25 points.
INTERPRET
YOUR RESULTS:
0-99:
"A fool and his money are soon parted."
100: Congratulations!